Bum steer

People are sometimes surprised when I tell them what my dayjob is - I don't look like a regular secretary. No Sensible Haircut or Traditional Secretarial Garb for me. No glasses or wrist support to indicate my leanings towards RSI. The most deceptive disguise however is my severe lack of SA. SA, in laymen's terms, is Secretaries' Arse. You can always tell an admin lifer from a normal person from the way their bum has been squashed down by years of filing and typing at their desk. In some women it's almost square.

If you meet someone and you're not terribly sure what their occupation is, you can easily rule out one career by viewing them from the side - if they look like they are packing a squashed twin pack of loo roll in the seat of their pants then you can probably go ahead and ask them what their typing speed is.

Of course, there is always the exception to the rule and that exception is the float secretary. We don't get to sit down and drink our coffee and work on our SA. Oh no. The minute we are placed somewhere then another department 'urgently' needs us and we are sent off packing to the next part of the building. Of course, when we arrive there, this urgent work has just been done and so we are sent back to the original department who then, in a fit of second-best inferiority, call the float manager and tell them they don't need us at all anymore, so we are then transferred yet again to the urgent department's unwelcoming bosom and hang around there waiting for more urgent work, which never arrives.
The hanging around bit consists mainly of refilling stationery supplies in an unenthusiastic attempt to look occupied - which is dulling for the mind but great for the thighs and buttocks. In fact, I'm almost inspired to create a fitness DVD based around the various ways of wasting time in offices.

Coming to YouTube soon.

Shocking fact o' the day

Dear Lawyer who I am working for in my most recent float assignment,

You seem pleasant enough - especially so because we keep missing each other - when you venture forth from your office to hand me amendments I am usually in the kitchen having a good time with the chocolate vending machine and when I return the amendments to your office, you are having Very Important Meetings down in the staff restaurant.

But to save both of us some time and hassle, let me tell you something that I seem to be very good at disguising in this firm: I CAN READ.

I thought you may have picked up on this from glimpsing the quickly-navigated-from websites that I peruse when you approach me from behind to give me more work (ooh matron).

But you obviously haven't - or are just being polite in trying not to ascribe to me an intellect that would lead you to ask why the hell I am working here - either way, when you forward me emails which require some kind of editing/copying/scanning/printing, you can write the directions WITHIN THE EMAIL so I can actually get it done even if you then disappear for hours on end without having to sit like a chump at my desk waiting for your return so you can tell me what you want done with it.