Dress to digress

So I saunter in casually to work today dressed in jeans, a tshirt and a black denim jacket with a badge proclaiming 'i like kids...but I couldn't eat a whole one' and discover that I am the only person who is in casual clothes. Because, this department doesn't have a casual Friday. Well, they do but the dress rule doesn't extend to jeans. Which, as far as I'm concerened means that it ain't casual (unless trackydaks are ok - there seems to be no mention of them). And no one bothered to tell me because I'm the temp. And no one has mentioned my unintentional yet brazen flouting of the dress code because.....I'm the temp.

5 minutes ago I pulled aside one of the staff here and asked him if, in fact, there was a casual Friday in this department. He replied that there was but he was wearing a suit as he was feeling lazy - it took more effort for him to dress down than dress up. It's the opposite for me. And it seems that my idea of casual was different to every other secretaries' idea of casual (who all look like they had a scrag fight with Supre, 7 Angels and Dotti and won).

I have been on the internet since 9am at this office. I have sent a couriered document and taken about 8 messages - which has been the sum of my workday. And the irony is that the recent IR laws that have been forced through like reluctant poo don't affect me at all - I work in the industry that drew them up to be cast-iron draconian bullshit in the first place.

After a four day weekend it's an uphill struggle to return to the absurdist routine of office work.

But I am nothing if not a trouper.

Today I am in a different department, relieving a secretary for the rest of this week. I am the temp, which is a lowly, underappreciated position but which has the incredible perk of being able to fly under the radar and do interesting things like surf the net, make personal calls and take extended lunch breaks because you're not important enough to be noticed.

Well, this company is a little different. There are processes; there is 'appropriate workplace behaviour' (and two hour courses to teach it); there is that contrived sense of 'team' amongst the support staff - that canny concept developed by senior managers to make the shitkickers feel more autonomous and important. It's not even 10am and I have already been approached by 3 support staff welcoming me to the department, congratulating me on my future position starting next week at another desk within the department and inviting me to the engagement party of someone I don't even know.

While in some circles this may be considered polite and heartwarming, it merely has the effect of burning a phrase in my brain: cultish behaviour.

Every article I've read on cults - the moonies, jim jones, david koresh, charles manson, the family, scientology (oh yes it is) - has described how they win over fresh blood by making them feel included, wanted, needed and useful. It's a basic psychological tactic but one that I've never seen adopted in a corporate way.

I'm used to the companies where people act like real people - where at least one secretary doesn't talk to you because she considers herself above you as she works for a senior associate, where one secretary offers help but is actually too busy to follow through on her offer, where a few managers might ask you your name if you're lucky but always forget it by lunchtime and forever after call you 'um.....could you please....' and where you are treated like the weirdo newbie you are until such time as you settle in and gradually get to know the other people in the office.

But then again, I may be being a little over-cynical. They're probably all just really nice people.

But I won't be drinking any cordial any time soon.